Women

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

We need = I want

It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later!

We need to talk. = I need to complain.

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.

I want new curtains. = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = {Too late, you're dead}

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep?

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Men

I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired. = I'm tired.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.

What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?

I love you. = Let's have sex now.

I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50.00 and it doesn't look that much different!

Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person so that you'd like to have sex with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freaking dress and let's go home